Talkin’ Smack: Fake News

  Ignore those pretty faces inside the noisy box—it’s just electronic snow and lies surfin’ along the airwaves. Unplug your computer. Turn up that boombox…it’s time to tune into the truth.     You want the truth? Tune into this lyrical master, or turn on your plasma television—swoon over that sexy newscaster. Charmed. Alarmed. Disarmed.Continue reading “Talkin’ Smack: Fake News”

Mission to Mars: NASA Lacks InSight

  Have you ever wondered if the Red Planet shakes, rattles and rolls? No? Too bad! NASA filled their bottle rocket and flung a sophisticated ornament at Mars, just in time for the holiday season. InSight blazed a path of hell across space-time, and on November 26, 2018, landed near Elysium Planitia—a flat and lackluster regionContinue reading “Mission to Mars: NASA Lacks InSight”

Slasher Theory: More Monstrous Than Monsters

(Originally published at What is a monster? You know it when you see it, right? Fangs…claws…wings—horrific entities that extract fear out of helpless humans. Anyone can see the demon behind the horns, but what about the demon behind the smile? They say people are the scariest of all monsters. Unassuming citizens can slip pastContinue reading “Slasher Theory: More Monstrous Than Monsters”

Random Rant: Taylor Swift

  I can’t take this anymore. I need help. No, no, no—not that kind of help—I’m talking about therapy. Why? Because apparently my sanity is nonexistent. I’m about to suffer from a nuclear catastrophe. My coolant system is broken, temperature is rising, the core can no longer be contained, people are evacuating: welcome to myContinue reading “Random Rant: Taylor Swift”

No Money Astronomy: Celestial Navigation

  Celestial navigation can be a pain in the ass, especially if you have no money. The sky is unthinkably obese, which means our eyes have plenty of starry real-estate to explore. So much territory, in fact, our eyes don’t know where to look first! They swivel inside their comfy orbital sockets while our irisesContinue reading “No Money Astronomy: Celestial Navigation”

Random Rant: Cell Phones

  Hey! Guess what? Do you want know what I’m sick of? No? Too bad! I’m still gonna tell you—I had it up to HERE with cell phones! You can’t see me right now, but my arm is stretched beyond biological capacity. Yeah! That’s right! Everywhere I fuckin’ go—people have their heads down—hypnotized by someContinue reading “Random Rant: Cell Phones”

The Resurrection of Pluto

  It’s Pluto mania! Everyone has one thing on their mind—Pluto. New Horizons was launched about a decade ago (January 19, 2006) and recently woke up, stretched its antennae, and opened its glassy eye. What did it see? A fuzzy odd-ball world, which gradually snapped into clarity, as New Horizons set a path of fireContinue reading “The Resurrection of Pluto”

No Money Astronomy: Specters In The Night

The night sky is haunted. There are ghastly starry specters—soft splatters of ethereal light—glowing among the eternal dark. They’ll make your eyes squint. They’ll make you question reality…am I seeing things? Is there anything really there? Why am I talking to myself? It’s true! The night sky is filled with allllll sorts of things andContinue reading “No Money Astronomy: Specters In The Night”

No Money Astronomy: Constellations

So, what did you buy with all the money you saved? During our previous observing session together—we learned that the night sky doesn’t charge an admission—as long as you know where to look. There are bizarre stars just waiting to be seen and many of them don’t require fancy glass! Just those squishy optics insideContinue reading “No Money Astronomy: Constellations”