Self-help Tactics: Tie Your Shoes


Watch out! You’re gonna fall flat on your nose, and it’s because you neglected to tie your fashionable Reeboks. Cruddy shoelaces flapping all over the concrete—one wrong step and you’ll topple like a Jenga tower, my wobbly friend. We often take our shoes for granted, however, rubbery soles keep us connected to planet Earth. Sure, sure…Issac Newton proved that gravity is also important. Gravity loves to bully wobbly people, though. If you have solid footwear, gravity can’t push you down. It’s simple physics.


You Gotta Tie Before You Walk

Do you know what success feeds on? The answer is delicious preparation. Nothing more. Nothing less. Sometimes you can’t just grip and rip it, baby. You need to cook a plan, but forget about nuking your ideas in the microwave. A half-ass effort doesn’t taste too good. Take the time to tie your damn shoelaces, that way you can walk without being bullied by gravity. What? Are you just gonna wing it? Ha. Come on. Let’s be real. Sometimes you need to shutoff your big brain, and sometimes you need to prepare for war. Develop sweet tactics which keep your feet planted on the ground, or you may fall straight on your unprepared ass. Ouch.



  • A Plan Is Worth A Thousand Falls

Look at you! You’re so motivated, but now is the time to get serious. Grab a piece of paper and write down your tactics. A plan reveals the weak points in your unprepared life. Don’t be flanked by stupid mistakes. If you feel like you’re too wobbly, consult your awesome plan. Feel empowered to create minor modifications, that’s how you’ll maintain proper balance. A plan also reveals how things may go wrong, especially if you don’t stick to the plan. You’ll know exactly what happens if you take a particular action, or don’t take any action. Your plan is a crystal ball which reveals the future. You can see yourself fall, or you can see yourself stand—it’s your choice to pick which possibility you’d like to concentrate on.


  • The Tighter The better

Secure shoes prevent you from becoming a sad victim of your failures. Have you ever watched someone get whacked by a car? What’s the first thing that flies off the clueless pedestrian? Exactly! Their shoes. Don’t let that happen to you.  Shit happens, of course. We can’t prevent every tragedy, however, we don’t need to walk down the sidewalk…with our heads glued to an electronic device, either. If you’re prepared, you’ll see the station wagon blaze down main street. If you’re shoes are on tight, you’ll somersault out of the rude station wagon’s way. What do you think will happen if your shoelaces aren’t tied? Kaboom! Game over. No continues. Try again next lifetime. And no…it doesn’t matter how many quarters you have in your jean pockets. You have one chance to play this game, and that’s it. This ain’t Super Mario Bros. You can’t just slide a quarter into the slot of life and expect to make the same mistakes over, and over, and over, and over again. Tie your damn shoes—your life will thank you. Watch out for station wagons.


Your Shoes Whisper Dirty Secrets

They say shoes are the window to our soul. Shoes tell stories and reveal juicy secrets about one’s character. What kind of secrets do your shoes reveal to the world? Untied shoelaces let everyone know that your unprepared, or perhaps just a clueless spirit. No one will take you seriously, and you want to know the harsh reality? Nobody should take you seriously. If you won’t tie your shoes, well…what else are you neglecting to do? Think about it.


Don’t forget to double-knot your laces.














Published by FlyTrapMan

I have no idea what I'm doing.

11 thoughts on “Self-help Tactics: Tie Your Shoes

  1. This has convinced me that I should start the Hobbit practice of going shoeless. I’ll have the best leathery feet on my street. I’ll set an example. Thank you for helping me figure out a worthwhile cause for the summer.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Velcro is our saviour, although if you get lots of ‘bits’ in it , it becomes less effective, I use the rabbit ear method or wear half length chaps over my lower leg and top of boot, perfect, job jobbed. Presume you know what chaps are, they originate from the USA!

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Love you articles which attempt to create a better understanding about things in general, and this one is just brilliant…I mean it. Wonderful…I have to be very careful about my shoelaces when I go cycling…one of my fav. occupations…as they can get into the chain and cause havoc, just when you are crossing a busy road. I have to double tie them to make sure. xx

    Liked by 2 people

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