Are You In A Piss-Poor Mood?

This is how the scientific community defines a ‘piss-poor mood’: an individual infected with a nonsensical, or emotionally volatile attachment to unjustified anger or hate.

Hey! Wanna see if you’re in a piss-poor mood? Step right up, and take this simple test. Don’t be shy. No judgments.

1. Your stomach tingles every morning, and not in a good way. Was it the elderly lady in front of you at the local food mart? Her coupons expired, right?  You could have stomped on a baby seal and not given two measly shits.

Sound familiar? Congratulations! You’re in a piss-poor mood.

Let’s continue.

• If daylight boils the blood in your veins, then you’re in a piss-poor mood.
• If your neighbor’s face makes you want to vomit, guess what? You’re in a piss-poor mood.
• If the birds piss you off, then you’re certifiably in a piss-poor mood.
• If breathing takes too much effort, then you’re in a piss-poor mood. Sorry.

People wearing fancy white lab coats won’t diagnose you with this serious condition. Educated eggheads will tell you that you’re depressed. Don’t believe them. A sad individual doesn’t have the motivation to entertain mundane complexities. Why can’t the sky be green? Why can’t water taste like sugar? These kinds of questions plague the mind of someone infected with a piss-poor mood.

As you can see—a person infected with a piss-poor mood has a problem with the absolute fundamentals of reality.

Prescriptions or medications to treat this very serious condition don’t exist. Symptom severity varies from person to person, but the root cause is the same. The universe should be this way…not that way…but it is what it is, and this lack of acceptance causes a piss-poor mood to fester.

If sunshine chaps your ass, then how can you possibly enjoy life? The universe is full of stars, which means it’s full of sunshine. Kind of. Are you going to let a little light get in the way of your well deserved good mood?

Yes!

Why?

Because you’re in a piss-poor mood.

That’s why.