Bow Down to the Almighty Supermoon…Again.


I felt an ominous presence. I knew something was wrong. My gut whispered to me: look up.

Yup—another Supermoon.

**Puts on tin foil hat** You know what this means, right? The world is coming to an end—no—the universe is about to explode. I mean, how can such an astronomical phenomenon occur three times in a row?!?!?! Don’t tell me gravity is doing all this by itself. I know better.

I’ve done some thinking: If we are going to glorify the day every time the moon is full during perigee, why not glorify the moon when it’s at apogee?

Sure! Why not? Being at the furthest point in one’s orbit is certainly as important as being at its closestright? I mean, that’s what eccentricity is all about, damn it.

I’m going to draw the line in the sand once and for all! From now on, this special event will be called: Miniscule Moon. Yeah! Doesn’t that just slip right off the tongue? A Miniscule Moon occurs when the moon is full during apogee. You learned it here first. Remember that. Spread the word.

Wait. Something is wrong. Yeah, that’s what I thought. The image I graciously provided was not taken during perigee! Technically the image above the post is not super-duper. The moon is 99.8% full in the image. Enough to notice a difference if you happen to have the eyes of an eagle.

Yes, I must admit: the image was taken the night before the moon turned super. Did you notice? I apologize. I like to be a smart-ass at times.

Seriously. Did you notice?

A Super-duper moon

The point I’m making is the supermoon is not visually perceptible. Yes, you can see the moon (duh), but you’ll never notice the change in physical size by eye alone. The moon is about a ½º in terms of angular size in the sky. As they say, a quarter held at arm length is sufficient enough to cover the moon. We call these special events—Monetary Eclipses (ha-ha, ain’t I clever?).


See? I did all the work for you! You can thank me later. As you can see, the Supermoon is not really that much larger than a standard full moon. Yeah, photographically—it makes a difference. The slight bloating around the moon’s waist is unmistakable.

Keep in mind that I imaged the moon with a telescope (102mm Orion maksutov). The long focal length helps in exaggerating the size difference between the two.

Guess what? A quarter held at arm’s length is still sufficient to cover the moon, even if it’s super-duper. I see that look in your eye. Go ahead, give it a try. Feel free to use any legal tender coin of your choosing—assuming it’s about the same size as a quarter.

Believe me: I’ve seen plenty of full moons, and to be completely honest, they all look the same. Every. Single. One. It’s a case if you have seen one, you truly seen them all. It’s a shame the moon won’t hook up with his old dealer that resides in the asteroid belt. Back in the day, the moon was quite the spinner. Snorting lines in the bathroom in some dismal club. Yup. Sounds like Luna.

These days? Well, the moon has settled down. All that’s left is a near-sided personality that is forever faced toward Earth. I guess we better enjoy the view: the moon recedes from Earth at a distance of about 4 centimeters a year. Happy times!

Wouldn’t it be nice if we could see the far-side of the moon? For all we know the moon could be sporting a kick-ass mullet. We would never know. And that’s a shame. I suppose somethings will have to be a mystery. Oh, wait: satellites have seen the moon’s far-side. No mullet.

I have to wonder: are werewolves stronger during Supermoon? Or would that be too much moon for a lycanthrope to handle? Maybe concentrated lunar rays inhibits their ability to function. Now, a wearowl can certainly take full advantage of a Supermoon. Beware.

Three Supermoons in a row is a sign of troubling times, my friend. Earth’s fragile mantle cannot handle the extra gravitational stress. The moon better knock it the hell off or our planet will crumble to pieces.

So, if you’re mortally sad because the clouds smeared your view of the Supermoon, well, better luck next time. And if the clouds screw you again, well, better luck next time. And you know what? If the clouds bend you over again, wait until next month. And the one after that. It doesn’t matter:  all full moons look the same.

Published by FlyTrapMan

I have no idea what I'm doing.

6 thoughts on “Bow Down to the Almighty Supermoon…Again.

  1. You’ve completely ruined ‘Super Moons’ for me – forever.

    But, at least, here you’ve given me something new to base my end-times predictions on – The Mini Moon!


    1. Hmmm: Mini-moon sounds much better. What was I thinking? Miniscule moon is not verbally cute. It would be interesting to compare a mini-moon, regular full moon, and Supermoon — all in one image…


      1. I can’t get excited about such things. Remember that schizophrenic weather I told you about? Not only do I have to wait for a Mini-Moon, I need to also have clear weather. Clouds don’t like me. They loom above my head with disgusting overcast, and if that doesn’t scare me back inside — they fling lightning bolts in my general direction.

        That usually works…usually.

        Liked by 1 person

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